The Family Is Ordained of God

          
            It was an enlightening assignment this week to read the Supreme Court Justices ruling on gay marriage. I gained a greater appreciation for our Founding Fathers and the wisdom and inspiration which went into the writing of our Constitution. I do have to admit I felt very disheartened at the warnings given by each dissenting judge regarding the future of religious freedom in this country. Most of them expressed great concern with how this ruling might effect future actions and the treatment of those who disagree with this ruling. Justice Roberts expressed, “The majority (the five judges who voted for the ruling) graciously suggest that religious believers may continue to “advocate” and “teach” their views of marriage. The First Amendment guarantees, however, the freedom to “exercise” religion. Ominously, that is not a word the majority uses.1

            President Russell M. Nelson in a talk titled, “Disciples of Jesus Christ—Defenders of Marriage” said, “Social and political pressures to change marriage laws are resulting in practices contrary to God’s will regarding the eternal nature and purposes of marriage. Man simply cannot make moral what God has declared to be immoral. Sin, even if legalized by man, is still sin in the eyes of God.” 2  I believe in the long tradition of marriage being between a man and a women and this new ruling does not change my belief. But I also believe we are all children of God and need to treat each other with love and respect. Justice Roberts expressed, “It is one thing for a majority to conclude the Constitution protects a right to same-sex marriage; it is something else to portray everyone who does not share the majority’s “better informed understanding” as bigoted.”1

            Several reasons were given by the dissenting judges why marriage between a man and a woman has been supported throughout history. Justice Alito said, “Marriage provides emotional fulfillment and the promise of support in times in need. And by benefiting persons who choose to wed, marriage indirectly benefits society because persons who live in stable, fulfilling, and supportive relationships make better citizens…For Millennia, marriage was inextricably linked to the one thing that only an opposite-sex couple can do: procreate.” 3

            I remember the overwhelming feeling of the spirit testifying to me of the truths being spoken by President Gordon B. Hinckley in a meeting where, “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” was presented. He shared this Proclamation he received through revelation at a meeting for the Relief Society sisters around the world on September 23, 1995. The following truths about marriage were stated very clearly,

            “We the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children…

            The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.”4

            I am grateful for these truths given to us from a loving Heavenly Father. He wants us to build eternal families and has provided a way for us to do so. We just need to figure out which voices we choose to follow.

Enduring Trials as a Family

        This week, in my marriage class, we were asked to read a report on families called, “The State of Our Unions: Marriage in America 2012.”2 One paragraph cased me to stop and reflect on a situation which happened to my family around 20 years ago. It said, “Marriage is not merely a private arrangement; it is also a complex social institution. Marriage helps to unite the needs and desires of couples and the children their unions produce. Because marriage fosters small cooperative unions—otherwise known as stable families—it not only enables children to thrive, but also shores up communities, helping family members to succeed during good times and to weather the bad times.”

      When my five kids were all within the ages of 12-18 my husband was unexpectedly let go from his job. We were not prepared financially or emotionally for this because we were still recuperating from the loss of our own company and the debt this incurred. In fact, we were just feeling like we could breath again and look ahead when this happened.

         Immediately we had to have a family counsel so our kids knew what was going on. We also wanted them to help us decide which lessons and activities we would have to delay till Dale could find another job. This was really hard for each one of them for different reasons. My younger two, (twins) had tried out and made it onto an elite soccer club which had required a lot of effort on their part. My middle daughter was progressing in her dance group and with her piano lessons. Our son was getting ready for High School and was also involved in different sports. Our eldest daughter was a senior in High School and was starting the process of applying for colleges. 

        Our kids were amazing with how they handled this trial in our family. Each had to choose one activity to give up temporarily and they had to help financially pay for their other activities with jobs they either currently had or went out to get. Our youngest, babysat more and were able to stay on their club team. The other three also worked more hours and helped pay for piano lessons and other activities. Our eldest daughter started saving her money more diligently for college instead of buying clothes, etc. The kids actually did well through the six months it took for Dale to get a job. I, on the other hand, struggled. I had been working part-time at Penneys and bumped my hours to full-time while Dale looked for a job. Dale became the full-time parent which caused me to become pretty irritable and slightly depressed. Dale was also feeling a little depressed because he knew in his current career he would not be able to earn enough to support our family. 

        Through many tender mercies, a few miracles, and great support from family, friends, and Ward members for church, we were able to get through this relatively unscathed. Dale was able to switch careers and become a programmer by stumbling onto a company who took a chance and hired him. I was able to go back to just working part-time so I could be with the kids more. Dale and I were bruised emotionally and had to work harder on our communication, but this experience helped prepare us for much tougher trials ahead. Our kids developed confidence in their ability to work hard and achieve their goals. They all worked extra hard in school, knowing we could not help them much financially, and received scholarships for college. 

        I love this advice from Elder Oaks, an apostle for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- day Saints. He stated in his talk titled “Divorce,” that couples who stayed together and worked on their marriages emerged with their marriages even stronger. He said, “That prospect began with their mutual commitment to keep the commandments, stay active in their Church attendance, scripture reading, and prayer, and to work on their own shortcomings. They “recognized the importance and power of the Atonement for their spouse and for themselves,” and they were patient and would try again and again.”1 This pattern has helped Dale and I get through the many challenges and trials we have faced in our marriage.