This week, in my marriage class, we were asked to read a report on families called, “The
State of Our Unions: Marriage in America 2012.”2 One paragraph cased me to stop and reflect on
a situation which happened to my family around 20 years ago. It said, “Marriage is not merely a
private arrangement; it is also a complex social institution. Marriage helps to unite the needs and
desires of couples and the children their unions produce. Because marriage fosters small
cooperative unions—otherwise known as stable families—it not only enables children to thrive,
but also shores up communities, helping family members to succeed during good times and to
weather the bad times.”
When my five kids were all within the ages of 12-18 my husband was unexpectedly let go from his job. We were not prepared financially or emotionally for this because we were still recuperating from the loss of our own company and the debt this incurred. In fact, we were just feeling like we could breath again and look ahead when this happened.
Immediately we had to have a family counsel so our kids knew what was going on. We also wanted them to help us decide which lessons and activities we would have to delay till Dale could find another job. This was really hard for each one of them for different reasons. My younger two, (twins) had tried out and made it onto an elite soccer club which had required a lot of effort on their part. My middle daughter was progressing in her dance group and with her piano lessons. Our son was getting ready for High School and was also involved in different sports. Our eldest daughter was a senior in High School and was starting the process of applying for colleges.
Our kids were amazing with how they handled this trial in our family. Each had to choose one activity to give up temporarily and they had to help financially pay for their other activities with jobs they either currently had or went out to get. Our youngest, babysat more and were able to stay on their club team. The other three also worked more hours and helped pay for piano lessons and other activities. Our eldest daughter started saving her money more diligently for college instead of buying clothes, etc. The kids actually did well through the six months it took for Dale to get a job. I, on the other hand, struggled. I had been working part-time at Penneys and bumped my hours to full-time while Dale looked for a job. Dale became the full-time parent which caused me to become pretty irritable and slightly depressed. Dale was also feeling a little depressed because he knew in his current career he would not be able to earn enough to support our family.
Through many tender mercies, a few miracles, and great support from family, friends, and Ward members for church, we were able to get through this relatively unscathed. Dale was able to switch careers and become a programmer by stumbling onto a company who took a chance and hired him. I was able to go back to just working part-time so I could be with the kids more. Dale and I were bruised emotionally and had to work harder on our communication, but this experience helped prepare us for much tougher trials ahead. Our kids developed confidence in their ability to work hard and achieve their goals. They all worked extra hard in school, knowing we could not help them much financially, and received scholarships for college.
I love this advice from Elder Oaks, an apostle for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- day Saints. He stated in his talk titled “Divorce,” that couples who stayed together and worked on their marriages emerged with their marriages even stronger. He said, “That prospect began with their mutual commitment to keep the commandments, stay active in their Church attendance, scripture reading, and prayer, and to work on their own shortcomings. They “recognized the importance and power of the Atonement for their spouse and for themselves,” and they were patient and would try again and again.”1 This pattern has helped Dale and I get through the many challenges and trials we have faced in our marriage.
When my five kids were all within the ages of 12-18 my husband was unexpectedly let go from his job. We were not prepared financially or emotionally for this because we were still recuperating from the loss of our own company and the debt this incurred. In fact, we were just feeling like we could breath again and look ahead when this happened.
Immediately we had to have a family counsel so our kids knew what was going on. We also wanted them to help us decide which lessons and activities we would have to delay till Dale could find another job. This was really hard for each one of them for different reasons. My younger two, (twins) had tried out and made it onto an elite soccer club which had required a lot of effort on their part. My middle daughter was progressing in her dance group and with her piano lessons. Our son was getting ready for High School and was also involved in different sports. Our eldest daughter was a senior in High School and was starting the process of applying for colleges.
Our kids were amazing with how they handled this trial in our family. Each had to choose one activity to give up temporarily and they had to help financially pay for their other activities with jobs they either currently had or went out to get. Our youngest, babysat more and were able to stay on their club team. The other three also worked more hours and helped pay for piano lessons and other activities. Our eldest daughter started saving her money more diligently for college instead of buying clothes, etc. The kids actually did well through the six months it took for Dale to get a job. I, on the other hand, struggled. I had been working part-time at Penneys and bumped my hours to full-time while Dale looked for a job. Dale became the full-time parent which caused me to become pretty irritable and slightly depressed. Dale was also feeling a little depressed because he knew in his current career he would not be able to earn enough to support our family.
Through many tender mercies, a few miracles, and great support from family, friends, and Ward members for church, we were able to get through this relatively unscathed. Dale was able to switch careers and become a programmer by stumbling onto a company who took a chance and hired him. I was able to go back to just working part-time so I could be with the kids more. Dale and I were bruised emotionally and had to work harder on our communication, but this experience helped prepare us for much tougher trials ahead. Our kids developed confidence in their ability to work hard and achieve their goals. They all worked extra hard in school, knowing we could not help them much financially, and received scholarships for college.
I love this advice from Elder Oaks, an apostle for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- day Saints. He stated in his talk titled “Divorce,” that couples who stayed together and worked on their marriages emerged with their marriages even stronger. He said, “That prospect began with their mutual commitment to keep the commandments, stay active in their Church attendance, scripture reading, and prayer, and to work on their own shortcomings. They “recognized the importance and power of the Atonement for their spouse and for themselves,” and they were patient and would try again and again.”1 This pattern has helped Dale and I get through the many challenges and trials we have faced in our marriage.
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