How to Make a Good Marriage Great

In my past neighborhood I watched a couple older then Dale and I struggle in their marriage during the past twenty-five years. The husband is now in-active and the wife continues to faithfully try and live her covenants. What happened to this strong couple who raised five children, four of which are married in the temple and raising their children in the church.

            Elder Hafen in a talk titled, Covenant Marriage, gives us a few clues of how Satan tries to tear marriages apart. He said, “Satan drives us away from each other today with wedges of distrust and suspicion. He exaggerates the need for having space, getting out, and being left alone. Some people believe him—and then they wonder why they feel left alone.” 1

This couple I mentioned started this process many years ago of “getting out, having space.” He started a business which required him to travel constantly and it became such he was gone more than he was home. His wife, being lonely after her kids were in school, started developing her musical talents and started performing and leaving the home frequently. Their lives became separate and the only interest they had in common was their children. They are still together because they made the decision many years ago to keep their family together, but they have an empty marriage.

In our marriage, Dale and I want it to continue on into the eternities. We could not imagine a life without each other. I would like to share Twenty Ways to Make a Good Marriage Great by Richard W. Linford.2  we were taught many years ago during our early years of marriage. Working on all of these has helped us stay focused on our relationship and in tune to each others needs.

1.     Night and Morning Prayer … to say thanks, to ask for help in your marriage and family, to worship together.

2.     A Weekly Planning Meeting … to discuss the calendar, talk over needs and problems, decide priorities and next steps. (Write decisions in a journal, including goals and discussion topics, and reasons for each.)

3.     A Daily Phone Call or Personal Conversation … to say “I love you,” to touch base, to discuss the day, to show you care.

4.     A Weekly Date … to a favorite park, a concert, the library, the gym; or staying home for a candlelight dinner, a game, or a mutual hobby.

5.     Patience Regardless … of missed meals, tardiness, forgotten favors, a thoughtless remark, impatience.

6.     Daily Service … helping with house or yard work, mending a piece of clothing, taking a turn with the sick baby, fixing a favorite meal. (Write it down. Do it!)

7.     A Budget … to tie down income and expenses, help set financial goals, and give you control over your finances.

8.     Listening … not only to what is said, but also to what is meant.

9.     Regular Attendance … at church—and where possible—the temple.

10.  Daily Scripture Reading … to learn the gospel, to receive inspiration for yourself and your marriage, to become more like Jesus.

11.  Working Together … caring for a garden, painting a bedroom, washing the car, scrubbing floors, building a piece of furniture, writing a poem together, team teaching a class.

12.  Forgiving Each Other … always learning from each other, trying a different way, being the first to make peace.

13.  Courtesies … like saying please and thank you, not interrupting or belittling, not doing all the talking, continuing the niceties of courtship.

14.  Soft and Kind Words … of tenderness, compassion, empathy.

15.  Learning Together by … reading to each other, discussing ideas, taking a class.

16.  Respecting … opinions, ideas, privacy.

17.  Supporting Your Spouse’s … Church callings and righteous goals.

18.  Caring for Your Spouse’s Family by … enjoying their company, praying for them, serving them, overlooking differences.

19.  Occasional Gifts … such as a note, a needed item—but mostly gifts of time and self.

20.  Loving with All Your Heart. “Thou shalt love thy wife [thy husband] with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her [him] and none else.” (D&C 42:22.)