Courtship Patterns Before Marriage

     This week in my marriage class we discussed chemistry in relationships and the pitfalls of it being the most important factor. John Van Epp in his book, How to Avoid Falling in Love With a Jerk, brought up a study done by Professor Ted Huston at the University of Texas on personal and romantic relationships. He identified the following four patterns of courtship:

• Early Exciters-Couples whose relationship had emotionally draining breakups followed by intense making up. They should not have gotten married.
• Firework Romances-Couple who fell quickly and madly in love but did not work to build a lasting marriage relationship. The beginning was amazing but quickly lost its spark with unrealistic expectations and differences which had not been identified.
• Status Quo Settlers-These couples had a fairly boring courtship but felt getting married would add the excitement and intensity they had not experienced up to this point. They found out the problems in their courtship only intensified when married.
• Stable Loving Investors-These couples did not have a “drama” relationship. They worked hard during courtship to build a warm and cooperative relationship. These couples have enjoyed long and satisfying marriages because they both fell in love through getting to know each other. Huston called them “enduring-dynamic couples” because the patterns they developed during the first two years of marriage changed very little during the next ten years. Falling in love was important but a strong friendship helped solidify the relationship. 

Which type of pattern is your courtship?